A is for April.
A is for Absence.
A is for A-ha, I fooled you.
What in the world am I sputtering on about, you ask? Well, for starters, it’s been a month since I’ve been able to blog. People must be wondering if I’ve fallen into deep depression after returning home from such a crazy adventure. Sorta kinda not true…? I do have post-voyage syndrome, and bouts of sadness. Thoughts like Why am I here and not there? spring up unexpectedly. I feel way more vulnerable and prone to emotional booboo’s, and no, it’s not PMS.
It’s what I’ve been dealing with this past month. Being absent. Not being ‘here’, but somewhere in Asia in my mind. Or perhaps in the middle of the Pacific, wondering if I’ll keep down my dinner. I’ve also been absent from online communities, trying to feel my way around real life again.
Yesterday, I decided to pull an April Fool’s Day prank. I announced my departure from Twitter due to some friend drama. Though the hiatus was a prank, the ex-friend is real. The drama she caused is real as well. She did some petty and heartless things to me while I was out at sea. With no communication devices, I had no way to defend myself or even KNOW what the heck was going on behind my back. That aside, I had the basis for a good story to pull off the prank. Some of my Twitter contacts knew what was going on, and they fell for my joke the hardest.
To those friends, I’m so sorry!! I’ve never done one of these April Dumdum pranks, and perhaps that’s the reason it worked so well. I’m generally a straightforward person, and I wouldn’t reveal things unless I was sure I wanted them revealed. I take a long time to think things through, and when I decide to do them, I believe they are meant to happen. My trip to Japan took a very long time to plan, but once I had my ship ticket and Chinese visa in hand, nothing would have stopped me. Not the seasickness, not my poor vision, and not the despair and change of plans.
I apologize for making anybody sad or surprised at my false departure. You likely fell for it because I’m honest and serious when it comes to friendship, and you probably didn’t expect me to pull such a fast one on you.
I also have a wicked sense of humor if you listen and watch carefully!
Aside from the prank, I’ve also been dealing with Absence in another form. I miss the people I met on my adventure. Some I can still catch via text, Twitter and FB. The ones that I can’t get in touch with are the ones who stick in my emotional little heart and nag away at me so I long to see them, talk to them, find out what they’ve been up to since we parted. I wonder if they feel the same way, and whether they even spare me a thought in their (maybe?) busy lives. I’m not sure what hurts more – to miss someone or to be missed.
I’ve also had an absence from writing. It’s not that I have writer’s block. On the contrary, I have so much to say! Where to begin, though? My mind plays A.D.D. games and suddenly I can’t produce one sentence because my memories and experiences are off-firing all at the same time. Yesterday I attempted to devote the afternoon and evening to writing and coffee. I suppose it’s nice that I outputted a page or two, but I’d hoped for much more given the amount of hours I spent in that coffee shop.
As luck would have it, a friend on FB noticed my struggle, and ended up giving me the best suggestion I could ever ask for. Thank you, Laura Roberts – this blog entry came to life because you managed to put a bit of order in my thoughts, thus sparking a new way of dealing with my problem. Problem. Yes, it’s a problem when you decide to write a book, and then can’t write more than two pages
Laura is helping spread the word about the A to Z Challenge, which I’ve decided to join. This is where my ‘A’ comes into play. Today is officially my first blog in the challenge! If you’re not used to seeing my blog active, get ready – I will attempt to post something each day of the challenge. Though this doesn’t get my book written, it does put order where order is needed. Even if I could write fiction or haikus, it would help put me back in my writing zone.
Challenge accepted and game on!
And April, *rolls up sleeves*
You are no match for this writing machine!